Managing Spirited Behaviors
Parenting a spirited or strong-willed child can feel overwhelming at times. As a parent and a play therapist specializing in early intervention, I understand the struggles many families face. Play therapy offers practical tools to guide young children toward healthier, more cooperative behaviors, all while fostering emotional connection.
Here are 5 effective play therapy techniques you can start using to help navigate challenging behaviors. For this example, we will focus on a common trigger for young children: transitions from a preferred activity, like leaving the park.
1. The Premack Method: Motivation Made Simple
The Premack Method, often called "Grandma’s Rule," uses a preferred activity as motivation for completing a less preferred task.
How to Use It:
When leaving the park, identify a transition motivator your child enjoys (e.g., a small snack, favorite toy, or music in the car).
Use clear, structured language: "First, let’s walk to the car, then you can have your fruit snacks."
Make sure the motivator is readily available to be delivered after the successful transition.
Why It Works:
By pairing the less preferred activity (leaving the park) with a positive reward, you create motivation for your child to cooperate.
2. Visual Schedules: Predictability Is Power
Young children thrive on routine and predictability. A visual schedule helps them understand what’s happening next and reduces transition-related anxiety.
How to Use It:
Before heading to the park, show your child their daily schedule. For example:
Park (preferred activity) ➞ Snack and preferred 15 minute show (also enjoyable, not aversive like bedtime).
Highlight upcoming activities to set expectations and avoid surprises.
Use a chart with pictures for young children to make it visually clear.
Why It Helps:
Visual schedules prepare children for transitions by creating a sense of control and predictability.
3. Transition Warnings: Prepare for Success
Transitions can be challenging, especially when leaving something fun. Transition warnings help prepare children for change.
How to Use It:
Provide countdowns as you prepare to leave: "Five more minutes, then it’s time to go."
Follow up with shorter reminders: "Two more minutes... one more minute."
Use consistent language: "It’s almost time to leave, we have your ___ in the car!" (dedicated transition/motivator item in the car)
Why It Helps:
Giving structured warnings reduces the shock of an abrupt change, allowing children to mentally and emotionally prepare for the transition.
4. Redirection: Distract and Refocus
Redirection is a powerful tool to break your child out of a meltdown loop while transitioning.
How to Use It:
Use redirection alongside transition warnings. For example:
As you prepare to leave the park, point to a nearby distraction: "Oh, look at that firetruck parked over there! Let’s go drive bye/check it out on our way out."
Physical redirection: Gently guide your child toward the next activity with clear, calm explanations. Ask your child if they want to hop out like a bunny, or ride on your back (piggy back ride).
Why It Helps:
Redirection shifts your child’s focus away from the frustration of leaving and toward something positive or engaging.
5. Celebrate the Positive: Praise the Right Choices
Instead of focusing on protests or meltdowns, reinforce what your child is doing well. While the technical term is Differential Reinforcement, think of it as celebrating the positive behaviors you want to see more of.
How to Use It:
Avoid giving attention to verbal protests or kickback behaviors.
Focus on and praise what your child does right:
"Awesome job walking next to me! You’re staying in control—I love how strong and calm you are!"
Offer immediate, enthusiastic praise to reinforce cooperation: "You did such a great job leaving the park today! Let’s enjoy our snack in the car."
Why It Helps:
Children seek attention, and praising the positive encourages them to repeat desired behaviors while reducing the focus on less appropriate ones.
Additional Tips for Parents:
Consistency is key: Follow through on expectations and praise consistently.
Get on your child’s level: Make eye contact and speak calmly.
Small steps matter: Celebrate small wins along the way.
These techniques provide simple, practical tools to manage tricky transitions, like leaving the park, while supporting your child’s emotional development. With consistency and patience, you can help your child navigate big emotions and challenging situations more smoothly.
Play Therapy Starts at Home
Implementing these techniques can help create a calmer, more connected home environment. If you feel your family needs extra support, play therapy can offer personalized tools and strategies tailored to your child’s unique needs.
If you’re considering play therapy for your child, I’m here to help. Reach out to learn more about how play therapy can transform challenging behaviors into opportunities for growth.
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